Journal Of An Insomniac

11:00 pm : hit bed exhausted and ready to sleep in a second
11:02 restlessness creeps in
11:05 recap the entire day .. I wish I had done this and not done that
11:15 check facebook, mail, messengers( just did that before going to bed)
11:20 start making grocery list ( no energy to pick up paper n pen so write it on the phone)
11:30 start taking mental notes of next day’s chores.. oh boy such a long list I need to take some rest now
11:45 login again( one last time) good to see so many friends online
11:50 wait for someone to buzz first
12:00 am what the hell lemme say hi first
12:30 say bye( don’t want people to think I got nothing better to do)
12:35 check facebook one last time( what is I miss some important update from a friend like her good night all)
12:45 close eyes n try shutting the mind off .. have a busy day tomorrow need to sleep
12:55 not working.. getting mad at the snoring husband
1:00 lemme try n read myself to sleep
1:15 this book is interesting ( shouldn’t I be reading a boring book)
1:30 one more chapter
2:00 oh boy its 2 I really need to sleep now
2:02 lemme check facebook one last time
2:10 trying to think good thoughts drift to thinking a new blog entry( how do you think these entries get written)
2:30 still no sleep ,even more mad at hubby for sleeping so soundly next to me..lemme watch TV for sometime
2:35 that’s a nice movie..have seen it a hundred times once more will not hurt
4:30 can hear the birds chirping I better turn off the TV n sleep
5:00 finally doze off to be woken up by my biggest enemy "the alarm at 7"

EAT , PRAY, LOVE

No it’s not a book/movie review. I have read the book which I enjoyed and then saw the movie coz I am a Julia Robert fan and that's about it. What got me thinking was these are the 3 things which I do daily. I eat, pray( sometimes) and I can say I love a few people/things but is life really all that simple? Does these three things give me as much joy as they should?

I love eating and cooking, my two fav things to do in the whole world. In my personal opinion : Tasty and healthy usually don’t go hand in hand.. not for me. Eating is pleasure and you ought to pay the price for it. Weight gain or just the thought of it is the biggest price one can pay. The ohhh so nasty weighing scale is mocking me whenever I savor chips, chocolates, ice creams ( yummmmm). Sometimes I feel just thinking about food makes me gain a few extra pounds J.

Pray : that's a good one...
"Oh Lord please make this world a better place to live. Eradicate hunger n poverty and give us world peace" I sound like a beauty pageant contestant.. and those are usually not my prayers.
I pray to God to give me strength to go through another day of my life and on not so bad days I pray for my loved ones and their happiness. I try and pray for their good health , peace of mind and everyone’s well being and then realize all these things have become so materialistic in today’s world. So what am I really praying for? I have no idea

And now the favorite LOVE. I love my family, love my friends, designer bags, my new car, jewelry, clothes, perfumes and the list goes on. But what about the love of my life... ME? I am still struggling to fall in love with myself . “To love yourself is start of a lifelong romance” I read it somewhere> I need to rekindle that romance first to enjoy all other loves of my life. But falling in love with myself is complicated, hard and not going to happen anytime soon.

Three simple words EAT PRAY n LOVE are they really that simple???

Mommy and Me ???

A very close friend often tells me that she used to tell her mom “if you are a mom you are nothing else but a mom”…. Well isn’t it so true?? We waited, thought and planned for years to have a kid. I was so ready to be a mom when it happened and as people rightly say life changes after kids, it did, some for better and some not so much J. My little one is 2 now and a great kid, well most of the times. Being a SAHM is not an easy task but it is fun. Fun at least till the terrible twos and the temper tantrums kick in every now and then. Those are the times when I want to hide myself in a closet or just run.

Then I take a deep breath and think about my mom. She must have wanted to run too when raising me and my sis and we were just 18 months apart. I can imagine how difficult it must have been for her to raise 2 babies, toddlers and then teenagers. Kudos to you mom for being there for us then and now when both of your daughters have become mommies.

Wasn’t I supposed to grow up after being a mom… well that is what was told to me. So why do I need my mommy so much these days? The urge to be pampered by my mom like my school days is overwhelming. The once “ I can manage everything mom” is now very often “ I wish mom was here to help me”. I want to be mommy’s little girl again carefree, secure and loved. Couple of years back I was a daughter and wanted to be a mommy so desperately. Today I am a mommy and I yearn to be a daughter. Is this life’s way of telling me I am still mommy’s little princess at heart and always will be?

On this mother’s day this is my tribute to all the moms and their little prince and princess…some little in age and some little at heart like me.

Is it just me ???

Is it just me or there is something wrong with the world around me.. Where is all the love, happiness n romance gone? Long conversations turn into short messages then into occasional hellos and then ... Nothing.

The only thing people seem to care about is work and money. Stress is the word of the day; no it is the word of the year I guess. Where is the simple life I had once known vanished? Did the world grow up too fast or was I in the slowest possible lane.

I still care about the beautiful weather, the laughs of my kid, the idle gossips every now n then but it is lonely world with no one to share it with. The rain seems to fall on empty roads, the flowers bloom just for themselves and the tress are just a cause of allergies.

The days span into weeks and then months but time has stopped somewhere. Everybody is running never stopping to think what they are missing on the way. The journey lost its importance and the destination found it.

The more I think the more I realize I am left behind in this race to achieve .. but achieve what??? What seems totally unachievable is company of loved ones, I can’t seem to find peace of mind in any store and a heartfelt laugh has become a rare commodity.

No matter what life goes on but the haunting question is “do we really live????”